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27.3.2006 - sfrapper411: last chance to see a glance of love

anyway im journaling again cuz well im a little upset i guess i know relize that my mom has not only been affecting me but my sister it really hurt today to see my mom invite my sister over then take off to the casino  why is drinking gambling and smoking more important than your kids i guess in my moms case it is why was i givin a life like this some times i wonder why ive stuck around this long yes life is hard i dont look blind on that fact but when does it ever get easier ? was i born to fail or is this some sort of lesson makes no sense to me which really makes me wonder if i deserve to have some one like kelly will i hurt her will she hurt me i really think she could do better but thank God every time i see her yes i am in a depressed mood i guess i finally relize that my life has been sheer crap everyone abandons me how is this right ppl wonder why im such a bad ass why im so combative well cuz ppl made me this way yes my innocence my purity was taken a long time ago i will never be like those i call parents i want my kids to know love to know that they have parents who care just looking for a girl to start a family with and to tell you the truth i think i found her no scratch that i have found her im so sorry i cant make you feel the things that i wish you could but ill try my damnedest to let you know not a minute goes by i dont think about you i really contimplate moving cuz id be farther from her less time with her which i dont know if i can do that but i will to own my own place maybe she could move out there? no a perposterous idea i cant take her from what she knows here but it would be nice and great colateral to buy a place with her after i pay this one off or maybe build on to it who knows what the future brings and who cares as long as she is in it well of course my siblings and her if you guys are reading this i love you all only know those hard times in life i couldnt do with out you thank you for everything you do for me for all the bad things ive done in life i was blessed to have you guys and an angel named kelly ill get that halo back for you just watch well take care guys for the moment this moment im alive

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